So I was really worried at first and then watched the video. This is great.
This video of this youtuber discussing the gay man who was thrown out by their own parents as well as another article I read in Rolling stone a couple days ago, really got to me.
It got to me because I am gay.
It got to me because I lived in a household that was very religious.
It got to me because at one point in my life, if I COULD choose to be gay, I would have never chosen to be gay.
It got to me because at one point in my life, if I could take a pill to be straight, I would have. Without a second thought.
It still breaks my heart that I felt this way. It also breaks my heart to realize my punch-in-the-gut feelings when I realized I was gay (when I was younger) are not different from what other’s have felt or are feeling now.
My story is similar to others. I realized I was gay and was mortified. I thought I knew myself, but then this all happened. As the wise words from Will Smith once said, “my life got flipped turned upsidedown.”
I thought maybe, I still like men.
I thought I could just repress my feeling towards women and still date men.
It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I started to think about dating women. Not to say I didn’t date men. I still did. Clinging onto an idea in my back of my mind that I could choose to be straight or that maybe I really did like men too.
Dating men for me never worked though.
It never felt right.
I didn’t come out to my mother until my late 20’s when I was in a long term relationship with my girlfriend that I am still with today.
I didn’t want to come out to my parents until I was fully ready and not financially tied to them.
I didn’t want to come out because I knew the repercussions my mother may have had from other family members.
I didn’t want to come out because I was scared.
I was scared of what my mother would say.
My mother once said, “this Thanksgiving, I’m just glad no one in my family is gay.”
I had to leave the room.
(very short back-story, my mom helped me a lot when I was younger so her respect and love was and still is really important to me, even when she said things like this)
When I finally came out to my mother, it wasn’t all puppies and unicorns. But while she was crying silently and I was crying silently, I broke the silence and asked her “do you still love me?” I held my breath. I was scared of what she could say next.
She said the best thing ANY MOTHER/PARENT can say, which was “you are my daughter and I still love you.”
THAT is what parents SHOULD say.
THAT is what a scared, confused gay child SHOULD hear.
Do I think my mom goes to her church and tell her congregation proudly saying that I’m gay. Absolutely not. But she DID NOT disown me. She DID NOT call me names.
Religious parents should learn from my mother.
People should take note of this youtuber (Chris Thompson) and what he says. Don’t hide behind god and religion just because you are afraid of the shame you may face from friends. Religion should help you become a better person. Not a hateful human being judging people and telling them what they are doing wrong.
Today, I am happy.
I am comfortable with who I am.
I am in a loving, wonderful relationship with my girlfriend of 10 years (I feel old saying that) with a great dog and cat (regardless of what my brother and girlfriend say).
It was a long struggle internally for me (I was lucky that I did not get much external harassment from peers) but things really did get better.
Today, I would never take that pill.
look at this
I don’t even know where to begin.
Wha??!!! Is this for real? Does that really work?!